Saturday, 7 March 2015

5 Hints for a Healthy Relationship

  ~~ 5  Hints for a Healthy Relationship ~~


    I do not have a multitude of degrees, but I have been married for 45 years and  feel a degree of confidence in sharing what I have learned. I have narrowed it down to five essential items. They have worked  for me and those around me, and best of all they are very simple.






1. Employ Easy “ Extras”     aka It’s the Little Things That Count

~ Flowers are great but so is a chocolate bar, a book or a cup of coffee.Maybe it's a 6 pack or a    bottle of wine, for no other reason than to say "I love you".

~ Demonstrate caring. If one of you dozes on the sofa, cover them up and/or turn out the lights.
~ Initiate contact. Whether at a movie theater or watching the evening news, a simple touch on the hand or a hug is a simple pleasure, no matter how long you have been together.
~ Compliment each other frequently. It's not always easy but it is worth it...for both of you.
~ Say "thank-you" often... and mean it. For just being there, for a thoughtful gesture, and yes, even for lovemaking.


  

2.Division of Housework 



~  Reach a decision on who does what based on who likes or dislikes a task the most. Example: “I’ll cook dinner if you clean up the dishes” or “If you don’t mind helping the kids with  homework, I’ll cut the grass". Basically what ever works for you. Harmony is key.
                                     
     

3.Make time for each other, with each other



~         I cannot stress enough the importance of this item.  Even if it’s just 15-30 minutes once or twice a week.  Be creative. If the kids are very young, then after they go to bed, turn off ALL electronics,  have a coffee and just “be” together…. Quietly.
~        Arrange to have a time for just the two of you.  It might  mean going out for a drive or just sitting in the car and talking about “stuff”.. .. or nothing at all, with no distractions.



4. NEVER go to bed mad at each other   aka  I Never Said It Was Easy!




~     This might mean staying up all night to reconcile your differences. Better yet, call a truce til the next day. It is amazing how a night’s sleep can change your perspective.




 5".Know when to hold them"


~    This is one is difficult  so  I am borrowing the lyrics of a Kenny Rogers tune “The Gambler” to help me out. You've got to know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em… sometimes even when you know you are right, is it worth a big argument to prove it?  If it is then stand your  ground firmly, but if it’s not, fold it away for another time.
~        Know when to walk away, and know when to run. Life is not always fair or pretty. Choices that were right for one time sometimes are not for another. Know when  happiness means walking away.

~        Abuse of any kind is never to be tolerated.  You are worth so much more!  Know when to run.



I  need you to know that there is no “secret” to a long and healthy relationship, but there is work. Lots and lots of work for both of you. But the good news is that after awhile it just falls into place and it becomes ….your life. It is good. Enjoy it!










* Lyrics to The Gambler courtesy of  A-Z Lyrics     
* Photo Attribution- Couple on beach - Muramasa-commons wikimedia.org
                                - Holding hands by C.White, Oak Lawn Images



70 comments:

  1. Great post and awesome advice. I guess what it all boils down to is treat others, especially your spouse, how you would want to be treated. I totally agree, it's often the little things that matter the most; it doesn't have to be a grand gesture to show your love

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    1. Exactly, Monica! I like your way of saying it... treat others...especially the person you spend the most time with... the way you would want to be treated!

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  2. Great advice! The relationship you have with your spouse is so important! It's definitely the little things that matter the most and I love the "don't go to bed angry" one!

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    1. Thanks, Angela. I value my sleep and want it peaceful...hence my thought re that. You are right, our spouses are the most important people in our lives.

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  3. These are such good reminders. As parents of a 1yo and a 3yo, it can be hard for Hubby and I to make a lot of time for each other. He goes to bed the same time as the 3yo! I do make a point for us to have a date night/lunch at least once a month.

    Happy Commentathon!

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    1. Good for you, Emma. I so remember those years when sleep and quiet seemed like it left my life for good. It does get better, trust me!!

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  4. These are wonderful tips. I am not currently in a relationship, but if these worked for you for 45 years (impressive!) then I will certainly keep them in mind!

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    1. Hey, Katie, take all the time you need. The main thing is to have a happy life and you know how to do that best. Happy Commentathon.

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  5. Great advice!! Thanks so much, you have confirmed quite a bit for me!

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    1. Why that is so nice to hear. Enoy the commentathon.

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  6. 5 Hints for a Healthy Relationship what a wonderful idea #4 never go to bed mad such great advice. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. You are most welcome, Patrice. Enjoyed your site as well.

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  7. Great advice! Congrats on 45 years of marriage! I love to get wisdom from seasoned married individuals. I have been married for 12 years, and I am learning how to be a better wife and mother everyday. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. Congrats on 12 years, Toiia. I,too, am still learning. We both are retired now and that's a whole different dynamic.

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  8. Very good tips though you're right, sometimes they're hard to do. My wife and I have never had an argument in all the years we've been married but at different times we haven't been happy with each other. Still, we try not to go to bed mad with each other and have done fairly well with it... though not perfect.

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    1. Hey, Mitch, nobody is perfect. Looks like you are on the right track, though.

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  9. Such great wisdom! I think all of this can relate to family relationships too. I can't wait to use some of them on my brothers.

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    1. Not wise, Ellie, just years of experience! Loving and caring actions can apply to everyone. Thanks for that comment.

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  10. I agree with every one of these! While relationships might be work, in a good relationship, these seem to come almost naturally!

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    1. I really never even thought of it that way before, but you are absolutely right, Corinne!

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  11. Great post! I am totally agree with every thing you wrote above! Kiss!

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    1. Thank you Romanescu. Very nice of you.

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  12. i love this! i've been with my man for only 2 years, but i'm hoping for 45 and beyond! we went to bed upset with each other exactly once and both of us slept so poorly we vowed never to do it again. :)

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    1. That's fantastic, Grace. It is certainly not always easy to live with any person but all we can do is give it our best! Cheers!

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  13. 45 years is quite an accomplishment! Thanks for sharing your wealth of knowledge. I especially like the part about calling a truce until morning. I have found that I don't fight well when sleep-deprived. Also, after a good sleep the problems often seem smaller and more manageable.

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    1. Thanks, Meagan, sleep is definitely important. A lot of things seem different after a good nights sleep. Many of the most anxious time of my life were somehow less tragic the next morning.

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  14. Great advice! My husband and I are going to have our 10th anniversary this year and these 5 things are SO important and have kept us going strong! Any newlyweds would be blessed to read this post. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. What a lovely thing to say, Sherri. I was told the first 10 years are the hardest. If that is true, that the rest is all downhill for you! Take care.

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  15. Good advice! I think it is applicable to other relationships as well, like friendships and children.

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    1. You are absolutely right, Lob. Thanks for pointing that out.

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  16. It's inspiring to find someone who's been married for 45 years :) I agree with all of your advice and I especially like "call a truce until the next day".

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    1. Thanks, Lexi. I am a lot of things, but inspiring is not one of them! I do,however, appreciate your comment.

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  17. Wow, 45 years! My husband and I have been together 7 years. Married almost half that. This is a second marriage for both. All of these are spot-on. Sadly, we have broken quite a few of them, more than once and some at the same time. :(

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    1. Hey, Chrystal, I never said I never broke any... just keep on trying. You can't ask any more of yourself or others than to try. ;-)

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  18. I like what you said about doing little things for each other that count. They make such a difference in day to day life, even if we're not consciously thing about it.

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    1. I agree, Gwen. Sometimes it is just an automatic gesture... like saying God bless when someone sneezes!!

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  19. Making time for each other, with each other is the hardest one. We are so busy but it is very important.

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    1. I can certainly relate, but even a few minutes of quiet together can work wonders..... I feel. Thanks for stopping by.

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  20. Congrats on your 45 years of marriage Patricia. That really is a great accomplishment. My husband and I have date night tonight and I'm looking forward to it. We finally started doing this after years of neglecting to spend special time together. Thanks for the great tips and I wish you many more years of togetherness. Blessings!

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    1. Thank you so very much, Keesha. Kudos to you and hubby. It took us a long time to realize that we need " to work on us", too.

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  21. I hope to make it that long with my spouse too! Congrats and I like number 2- divide housework. I find that this sometimes builds resentment if I one feels they are doing more to contribute to the household than the other. Any tips on how to split it evenly?

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    1. Far be it for me to offer advice to anyone, but I can tell you what works for us..for now. We both spent time as "homemakers" while the other one worked outside the home,so the division was loaded more on the "home" person. Now that we both are retired, there are things I don't like ( scrubbing toilets and showers) and he doesn't like getting meals, so we agree that we don't do what we don't like, and do what we do.... does that make sense?? Thanks for asking.

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  22. I'm coming up on my 10th wedding anniversary this year! Thank you for sharing your years of wisdom. God bless you and your husband!

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    1. I was once told that the first 10 years are the hardest. If that is true, then you are over the most difficult part. I don't necessarily believe that but it is a good chunk of time under your belt! Congrats to both of you!

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  23. Thank you for sharing these great ideas!

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  24. As I approach my 20 year anniversary, I have to say that your post is right on! Marriage is hard work but so worth it!

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    1. What a great thing to say, Penny. I value your comment , as it helps to validate what I have said. Thank-you.

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  25. You are absolutely right there is no "secret" to marriage. It is hard work on both sides. Going on 24 years next week and it has been a ride :)

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    1. Congratulations, Crisi! That,too, is quite an accomplishment! Sort of like the "AA" adage....one day at a time! LOL! " A ride" is a good metaphor for marriage, ups, downs, twists,turns,and good and bad roads! Good for you!

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  26. Great advice learned from a long happy marriage! Congratulations! As someone who teaches marriage communication for a living, I cannot stress the importance of your #3 enough. It is VITAL! Thank you for sharing your experience.

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    1. Carrie that is so nice of you to say. All the best with you teaching. All people, but especially young couples ( because they are new to life) need to value communication b/w each other.

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  27. Aw, this is very sweet. :) My husband and I always try to put each other first; don't always succeed, but it helps!

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    1. Thanks, Jennie, we don't always succeed either....;-)

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  28. I've been married for just over 8 years and try to live by your 5 hints. Marriage is work, sometimes it's hard work. But it's always worth the effort you put out (unless you are being abused).

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    1. Absolutely, Christina, you are a very wise woman. Good luck in your future.

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  29. 45 years of marriage is a great accomplishment! My husband and I have been married for 22 years and I believe your advice is right on. Good marriages take WORK. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. As I'm sure you already know, Victoria, anything worth while takes work, and a relationship is no exception. Thanks for your comment.

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  30. I love you relationship advice. Very helpful especially in a marriage relationship. Thank you

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    1. Thank you Jennifer. It is not necessarily advice, that would be presumptuous of me. Just hints, based on what I have learned.

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  31. Great tips! Keeping the relationship strong can be hard work sometimes, but if we just implement these little things, it makes all the difference.

    Miss--

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    1. Thanks, Miss,I feel anything worth while takes effort, and am sure you agree. Tks for commenting.

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  32. Great tips I've been married 23 years and I agree wholeheartedly. Learn your spouses Love Language really helps a lot too.

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    1. Hey, MomMaven, you've got it!! Love that "Love Language"!!

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  33. What great tips. My husband vacuums--I am so thankful for that! Time is also had to make when you have 5 kids; but it is necessary.

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    1. The other term for it..... and you would know this...is co-operation. With 5 children you need all the co-operation you can find. Thanks for stopping by.

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  34. This is some great advice! You definitely don't need any fancy degrees to be an expert - being married for a long time is enough to make you an expert in my books!

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    1. Why thank you, Melissa. That is kind of you to say. Take care.

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  35. Agreeing on everything you said. Often, love is felt the most when it is demonstrated through actions not words..although words complement the actions too :)

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    1. What a lovely way of saying it, Camille. You are absolutely right!

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